It’s the turn of the decade, and not just the year; and whether we summon the memories of the past year wilfully or otherwise, some reminiscences do tend to pay a visit, even if fleetingly.
Time, after all, is a winding road that goes through and around all of us. Going back in time, JK Rowling taught us in the Harry Potter books, is one of the most powerful—and risky—pieces of magic possible. It allows us to see where we have come from, but tampering with it is dangerous. We can, for our own good, learn from reflection and see how our past can inform our future. That is the Time-Turner that is available to all of us as we turn past this end-of-the-year-and-decade corner in time. It is both a mirror and a crystal-ball.
New resolutions are made or old ones brought back with renewed vigor, with a determination to succeed in the coming year. It’s also the time of expressing gratitude, of letting go of past resentments, hurt, and anger, and of believing in the power of forgiveness.
Relationships that were once meaningful gathered the dust of time, distance, silence, and darkness, waiting to see the light of day, waiting to see if the lonely hearts would start beating again for each other. And those relationships that gnawed at our soul, caused irreparable anguish and distress were surrendered, forever.
After all, the epiphany strikes, in letting go lies our own inherent freedom.
Leaps of faith are made, not knowing whether we will find a sure footing, or if we will find ourselves spiraling down a dark abyss, or whether the landing will be smooth. But we take them nevertheless.
I like how life lessons emerge on the way. How when the path seems uncertain, you pave your own, with your desired summits on the horizon all the time.
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As I reflected on the months gone by, I decided to focus more on what I learnt from one of the most difficult years of my life. This is the second time in a row I am talking about gratitude, because I find it to be such a powerful concept. There is always a positive side to even the toughest moment, a silver lining even to the darkest cloud. It helps to reframe travesties and see them in a new light. They often tell you that you are made of solid stuff, to have emerged bruised but stronger. They tell you that you have the choice to get up after the fall, brush the dust off, believe in yourself, and walk with your head held high. At the end of the day, we always a have a choice, whether to remain mired in the depths of despair or to soar.
I know what I choose. I would rather focus on being that caterpillar who is struggling in its own gooey mess before it metamorphoses into a butterfly and takes wing.
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I like numbers. I wanted to run a full marathon (42.2K) before I turned 40 and I did. And now, as I turn four decades and a half old, I decided that it would be nice to conjure up 45 lessons that I learnt this year to ring in 2020. I would love to see this as a memory I can turn to down the years when I want to see some moments that I have witnessed in my lifetime.
Here is my list.
1. Remember, the darkest night does end, and the sun does rise. Remember that when you feel your struggles are never ending. Nature is a great teacher.
2. Take one baby step, when unsure of what lies ahead. And another, and another. And before you know it you would be sprinting along.
3. Live every moment like it’s your last. (Corollary: Also live every moment like it’s your first!
4. I’ve said this before: Friends matter. And the true ones stick by your side, come what may.
5. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
6. Create your own peace of mind.
7. Let your faith in yourself be bigger than your fears.
8. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up. There are people who may benefit from your being there.
9. Believe in magic…and miracles. In nature, in people, in yourself.
10. Only you are in charge of your happiness. Script it for yourself, and make sure it’s one fantastic story.
11. Solitude is healing. Spend some time with yourself every day, in silence.
12. What really matters is how much you loved, and lived, every moment.
13. Commit random acts of kindness. You never know whose day you bring cheer to.
14. Express gratitude daily. It trains the mind to focus on the positive aspects of life than what we don’t have.
15. Life is chaotic, unpredictable, and often a beautiful mess. But choose Life…always.
16. Spend time with the ones you love.
17. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind and the body.
18. Be of service to others, if you ever get an opportunity. It’s healing when you step out of your own misery, call upon your courage, and be there for someone else.
19. Time may not necessarily heal. How you process your emotions is what helps the most. Yet, give Time time :)
20. A hot chocolate is one of the best antidotes to a long, tiring day.
21. I do believe everything happens for the best. Even in the most difficult situations if I summon this belief, it shows me that I had strength, fortitude, patience, and grit to tide through tough times even when they brought me to my knees.
22. There will be times when memories are all we will have left with us. Make sure you create many happy, meaningful memories.
23. “I am there for you,” are some of the most beautiful words said. And being truly present for someone, is the best gift of love and compassion.
24. Self-care and especially self-love is priority #1.
25. The sight of a dog’s wagging tail…
26. Life is so much more happier if we focus on what we have rather than on what we don’t have.
27. “What can I do to deal with this situation?” is an important tool in your stress management kit.
28. Mom will forever be my first love. Her wisdom continues to guide me every single day. And that’s the biggest gift after her passing.
29. Hugs heal.
30. Surrender.
31. “Always”…an expression of unconditional, selfless love. #Potterhead
32. Live your life authentically. We waste too much time hiding behind facades and pretences.
33. Go out on a date with yourself. For a movie, a meal, or a coffee. It is one of the most liberating experiences.
34. Find your ikigai, your reason to live, what brings purpose and meaning to your life.
35. Overthinking ruins relationships. Overflow with love and good vibes instead.
36. I kept looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. And then I lit the damn thing myself!
37. Never do anything in a fit of anger. Like getting hair cut short or straightened 😉 You don’t want to regret it later.
38. Get out of your comfort zone. Then you can imagine things you never imagined. And you do things that you might have thought beyond you until then. So go ahead, push your limits. I've had the opportunity to do so in multiple ways this year.
39. “The most important and beautiful gift one human being can give to another is, in some way, to make life a little better to live.”
40. See the glass half full. See opportunities. See growth. See potential.
41. I repeat: Be your own best friend. Everyone else is mostly busy doing their own thing.
42. Whenever you freak out over a self-proclaimed disaster, ask yourself if this will really matter in five years from now. Is it really worth my time? Is it really of any significance in the larger scheme of things?
43. Say “I love you” unabashedly.
44. Love heals.
45. Commit to living a life you truly cherish, treasure, and value. And if it is in service to others, it is a life well lived.
But in the end, the lesson that stays with me at all times (including or regardless of when I use the 45 above) is this: always go with the flow. Always!